More information and registration instructions are on the Port Townsend Sangha’s web site.

Rodney is the guiding teacher of the Seattle Insight Meditation Society and we are always happy to have him here to teach. The retreat will consist of sitting and walking meditation, dharma talks from the teacher, and small group meetings with the teacher.

More information and registration instructions are on the Port Townsend Sangha’s web site.

A Western monk once asked permission of his forest teacher to journey to Burma to try the intensive meditation systems of several other well-known teachers. Permission was readily granted. After several years he returned to his first teacher.

“What did you learn?” the teacher inquired.

“Nothing,” answered the monk.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing that is not already around, that was not right here before I left.”

“And what have you experienced?”

“Many teachers and many meditation systems,” the monk answered. “Yet, the more deeply I penetrated the Dharma, the more I realized there was no need to go anywhere else to practice.”

“Ah, yes,” replied his teacher. “I could have told you that before you left, but you could not have understood.”

I’ve always liked this story.  It certainly reflects my experience with vipassana teachers from related traditions, such as those of Burma and Thailand.  The Insight Meditation teachers I listen most to are influenced by Burmese teachers such as Sayadaw U Tejaniya, so that is the practice that I follow.  I see the various lineages as different flavors of the same teachings.

Or, in other words, the grass is just a different shade of green.  And all green is beautiful.

Reservations are requested so that we know how many people to plan for.  The following is the announcement message from the Port Townsend sangha.

——from Heather Martin web page

The Port Townsend Sangha is pleased to announce that vipassana teacher Heather Martin will be back in Port Townsend to lead a two-day non-residential retreat on the weekend of October 2-3, 2010.

Heather is the resident teacher of the Vipassana  group on Salt Spring Island off the coast of Vancouver. She is also the guiding teacher for the Victoria Vipassana Community, http://www.victoriavipassana.org/, and the sanghas in Bellingham and on Samish Island. She teaches at centers up and down the West Coast and at times at IMS in Barre, Mass.

This retreat is based on the Vipassana Buddhist practice and follows a typical retreat format.  We will sit in meditation for periods from 30 to 45 minutes at a time, interspersed with walking meditation.  The teacher will give a dharma talk each day and probably some additional teachings.  She will probably also meet with some small groups.  We will be in noble silence during retreat times.

We plan to meet from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday. The retreat will be held at the Yacht Club in Port Townsend. Please plan to arrive in time to be settled in by 9 a.m.

While the space should be ample for all who want to attend, we still need to know how many people to expect. To register or ask questions, fill out the contact form below. We will reply acknowledging your registration and answering any questions.

If you can only come for one day, please let us know. A week or two prior to the retreat we will email all registrants more complete directions to the meditation hall and any other pertinent information. We will be sitting on a vinyl tiled floor, but there are also chairs for your use.  Please bring any cushions, mats, or wraps that you will need for sitting.  We are not able to provide any cushions, etc. Chairs will be provided.

As is typical practice in our tradition, there is no charge for the teachings, but we encourage everyone to practice generosity by giving dana to the teacher so that she may continue to teach the Dharma.  Like many teachers, Heather has chosen to make the practice and teaching of the dharma her sole work, and she relies on our generosity for her sustenance.  There is a $10 charge to help defray the cost for the room and the expense of organizing the retreat.

To register or ask questions, just write in the box below and press the Submit button to send me an email.

Om Mani Padme Hum is the mantra of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion.

This YouTube video is one of the most melodic and beautiful versions I have heard.

(If the YouTube video is not visible here, you can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eygz-RJ3bR4.)

I do not use a mantra as part of my regular practice.  Yet sometimes Om Mani Padme Hum will arise spontaneously in my mind, especially if my mind is extremely agitated.  To me, there is a strong connection between compassion and patience, both of which I find essential in being with my mind.

Reservations are requested because space is limited. The following is the announcement message from of the Port Townsend sangha.

The Port Townsend sangha will host a two-day non-residential retreat with Rodney Smith on the weekend of May 15th and 16th. Rodney is the guiding teacher of the Seattle Insight Meditation Society, and we are always happy to have him come here to teach. The retreat will take place in the Port Townsend Yacht Club. We plan to meet from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and from 9 a.m. to early afternoon on Sunday, depending on Rodney’s schedule.

The retreat will consist of sitting and walking meditation. There will be dharma talks and small group meetings with Rodney.

Please plan to bring your own cushions and zabutons. There will be some available if needed. There will also be chairs there. Bring a lunch and/or snacks for yourself if you wish. The Food Co-op is within walking distance and there are several eating places nearby. Tea will be provided.

There is a $10 registration fee to cover expenses. In the traditional Buddhist practice, there is no charge for the teachings, but we encourage everyone to practice generosity by giving dana to the teacher so he may continue to teach the dharma.

Please reply to Rima by email to register for this retreat or for further information. Be sure “Rodney Retreat” is in the subject line of any email you send about the retreat. if you can come for only one day, please let Rima know.

If you are able to offer out-of-town attendees a place to stay overnight, please let us know the details by email.

As we get closer to the retreat date, Rima will send registrants any further pertinent information. If you have registered and have not heard from us by May 12th, please let us know.

We look forward to seeing you soon!

Rima Phillips

To reserve a space or ask questions:

Reservations are requested because space is limited. The following is the announcement message from of the Port Townsend sangha.

Vipassana teacher Heather Martin will be in Port Townsend to lead a two-day non-residential retreat on the weekend of February 6 and  7th, 2010 .

Heather is the resident teacher of the Vipassana  group on Salt Spring Island off the coast of Vancouver. She is also the guiding teacher for the Victoria Vipassana Community and the sanghas in Bellingham and on Samish Island. She teaches at centers up and down the West Coast and at times at IMS in Barre, Mass.

The retreat will consist of sitting and walking meditation with instruction and Dharma talks from the teacher. We will be in noble silence during retreat times.

We plan to meet from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday. The retreat will be held at the Quimper Grange in Port Townsend. Space is limited so please reply to the registrar, Randi Winter, using the form below to register for this retreat or to ask any questions.

If you can only come for one day, please let us know. Once she
has you on the list of registrants she will give you more complete 
directions to the meditation hall and any other pertinent information. For those driving here, please bring your own cushions and benches. Chairs will be provided.

As is typical in our tradition, there is no charge for the teachings, but we encourage everyone to practice generosity by giving dana to the teacher so that she may continue to teach the Dharma.  There will also be a $10 charge to help defray the cost for the room and the expense of organizing the retreat.

The topic will be Aligning the Mind with the Now of the Body.

Rodney says:  “How distant is our mind from our body?  That gap is our relationship to the present moment since the body is always here and now.  The mind leaves the body, the body never leaves the mind.  This weekend will explore how meditation helps close the distance between the two and the difficulties we face when we embody ourselves.”

Dates: Saturday and Sunday, May 9th and 10th
Times: Sat, 9 AM – 5 PM. Sunday, 9 AM – 2 PM.
Location: Port Townsend Yacht Club

We will be in silence during the retreat.

While the space is plenty big for us, we still need to know how many people to expect.  So please reply via e-mail to register for this retreat or to ask any questions.  Be sure “Rodney Retreat” is in the subject line of anything you send me about the retreat.

The Port Townsend Yacht Club is two blocks off of Sims Way on Washington St, across from West Marine and next to SeaJ’s.  If you are coming from out of town, drive into town on Sims (Hwy 20), past the Safeway to Benedict St. (Henery’s Garden store and the Safeway gas station are on that corner) and turn south on Benedict.  Go two blocks and curve to the left onto Washington.  The Yacht Club is the first large building on the right; there are PTYC signs on the gray/blue building.  Entrance is on Washington St.

There is parking available in the area but please try to carpool.   You may park in front of the yacht club and to the west along Washington Street facing the water.   Please do not park in front of any of the businesses in the area as they will need those places for their customers during the day. You can also go farther west into the Boat Haven parking lot and park there.

We will be sitting on a vinyl tiled floor, but there are also chairs for your use.   Please bring any cushions, mats, or wraps that you will need for sitting.  We are not able to provide any cushions, etc.

Food:  Bring a lunch and/or snacks.   We’ll provide tea.  The food coop is just a few blocks away if you need to buy something for lunch.   If you are coming from east of the Hood Canal Bridge, you will need to take a passenger ferry and shuttle.  You can get more information at: http://www.ptguide.com/gettingaround/hoodcanalbridge.html.

Costs: There is a minimal suggested donation for the rental of the space ($5 or $10). In the Buddhist tradition the teachings are considered priceless and are offered freely. There will be an opportunity to offer voluntary donations or dana to the teacher.

For more info: please contact Randi Winter (email much preferred) using the form below.

If you plan to attend: Please send an email confirmation to Randi Winter using the form below.  If you can only come for one day, please let us know.

To make reservations or ask questions:

We’re leaving on a driving trip in two weeks, and the head gasket has chosen this time to start leaking.  We’re having friends stay at our house while we are gone, and the front door lockset has chosen to fail.

We were spreading a new layer of gravel on our paths and realized that one of the trees have grown so much that they intrude on the path.  It was either cut the tree or move the path; we moved the path.  Meanwhile, other hedges were intruding on other paths; those we trimmed back severely.

As I think about our house, yard and gardening, our efforts seem to be all about either coping with change or creating change.  Nothing ever stays the same.  Plants grow, bloom, and are harvested.  Others bloom, fruit, and die back or break from excess fruit or snow on the branches.  Soil wears out and needs to be enhanced.

Even the gravel disappears over time, and rocks are overgrown and broken up.

Part of our bluff sluffed off in the last year with a slide towards the beach that almost overtops the bulkhead.

On our trip, we’ll be going to Utah and visiting Arches National Park.  One of the arches I want to see has fallen and is no longer.  The trail to another arch has been rerouted because parts of that arch have flaked off in recent years.  In Canyonlands, what I once knew as rough, four-wheel drive roads are now paved and usable by any vehicle. In Yosemite, part of a campground has been closed because rock slides have been falling on it.

My weight goes up and goes down.  Health changes, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better.  Emotional states are transient; none are permanent.  Relationships change—some relationships last a long time, others a shorter time, but they all change constantly.  Some changes happen slowly (rocks erode), others occur very quickly (emotional states). Even changes to rock are visible in a single lifetime.

Nothing stays the same.  I literally cannot think of anything unchanging in my experience.

Some changes we respond to—the car and front door will get fixed this week.  Some we note but there’s no action to take—an arch falling or the bluff slipping.

But whether we react or not, nothing stays the same.

Details on the retreat location, times, and transportation are in this post.

(As before, I am reposting Selden’s email about retreat details.  Please respond if you plan to attend the retreat and have not yet let Selden know you are coming or if you need any help in getting here.)

Heather is the resident teacher of the Vipassana group on Salt Spring Island off the coast of Vancouver. She is also the guiding teacher for the Victoria Vipassana Community and sanghas in Bellingham and on Samish Island.  She teaches at centers up and down the West Coast and at times at IMS in Barre, Mass.

This retreat is based on the Vipassana Buddhist practice and follows a typical retreat format.  We will be in silence all day each day.  We will sit in meditation for periods from 30 to 45 minutes at a time, interspersed with walking meditation.  The teacher will give a dharma talk each day and probably some additional teachings.  She will probably also meet with some small groups.

We will meet from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday.  Please plan to arrive in time to be settled in by 9 a.m.

The retreat will be held at the Port Townsend Yacht Club–please note that this is a change from the original information you received.  Directions are at the end of this email.  The building is located by the water and there is close access to the beach for silent walking meditation–dress appropriately for the weather.

As is typical practice in our tradition, there is no charge for the teachings, but we encourage everyone to practice generosity by giving dana to the teacher so that she may continue to teach the Dharma.  Like many teachers, Heather has chosen to make the practice and teaching of the dharma her sole work, and she relies on our generosity for her sustenance.

We will also ask for a small contribution for the cost of the space and other expenses.

The Port Townsend sangha will provide lunch on Saturday as well as tea during the day.  There are still a few homes that will welcome people who are from out of town and need a place to stay.  Please let me know if you would like a place to stay and I will connect you with a local sangha member.

We will be sitting on a vinyl tiled floor, but there are also chairs for your use.  Please bring any cushions, mats, or wraps that you will need for sitting.  We are not able to provide any cushions, etc.

There is parking available in the area but please try to carpool.  We have a large number of participants and would like to minimize the number of cars we bring to the area.

The Port Townsend Yacht Club is two blocks off of Sims Way on Washington Street across from West Marine and next to CJ’s.  If you are coming from out of town, drive into town on Sims (Hwy 20), past the Safeway to Benedict (Henery’s Garden store and the Safeway gas station are on that corner) and turn south on Benedict.  Go two blocks and curve to the left onto Washington.  The Yacht Club is the first large building on the right; there are PTYC signs on the gray/blue building.  The entrance is on Washington.

If you are coming on the Keystone/PT ferry (passenger only these days) and need help arranging that or getting to the PTYC please let me know.  If you are coming in on the bus and need transportation to the PTYC let me know.

We are looking forward to having Heather teaching in Port Townsend and are glad you can come.  For more information about her and to hear dharma talks go to http://ssivipassana.org/new/.

Please let me know if you have any questions I have not answered.

Yours in metta,

Selden

This retreat was held last year. See January 2010 posting for 2010 retreat.

The word that came up for me was “honesty.”

What does “honesty” mean?  For me, it includes mindfulness; perhaps the best summary is “clear seeing.”    To me, being honest means seeing what is actually true, and to be clear about the difference between what is true and what I want to be true.

I was asked whether I was talking about deception.  My answer was “no, deception was not an issue for me.”

Inevitably, if I see what is actually true, and sees how that differs from what I wish, I will sometimes discover self-deception.  However, the focus is on seeing clearly, and if that seeing includes seeing self-deception, well, so what?  That’s just another thing to see.

Seeing clearly can bring pain, as it highlights how reality differs from how I want things to be.  And that difference leads to the need to make decisions.

I’ll be revisiting this issue in future posts.

Traffic to this blog is fairly light, as is expected given the subject, the newness of the blog, and probably the content.  The blog software does record statistics that describe how many people have visited the blog and what they have looked at.  (Only statistical summaries are available; individual users cannot be identified.)

A month or so ago, a friend asked about using an mp3 player with the Macintosh.  I did a quick check on some forums and said “sure, it will work fine.”  Well, that turned out not to be the case.  I researched the problem further and wrote a web page on how to use an mp3 player with a Macintosh computer.  I shared that with my some friends and also referred some people on the Sansa Fuze forum who were trying to get their player to work with the Macintosh.

Since then, the majority of accesses to the blog have been to read the article on using mp3 players with a Macintosh.  The busiest day on the blog was the day before Christmas, the second busiest was Christmas, and the third day was the day after.  I guess lots of people gave or received Sansa Fuze players for Christmas and then needed to figure out how to make them work with a Macintosh!  (By any web standards, we are talking small numbers here–peak use was less than 100 visits per day.)

Traffic is now returning to normal levels.

Emotionally, I find reinforcements to my expert persona like this to be difficult.  They build the ego, the sense of “I,” and the sense that “I am an expert and everyone should recognize that.”  I fall into a mode of answering questions and playing an expert on mp3 players, and on use with the Macintosh.  The latter is particularly a problem as I don’t even have a Macintosh.

So the challenge is always to back off and let others be the experts.  I need to say something myself only when what I say is truly useful instead of just being first with the “right answer.”

I maintain my computers carefully, keep all software updated, and generally have a trouble-free existence.  All computers fail, and mine are no exception.

Even computer experts can have bad days, and this was a doozy!

It all started Saturday morning when we lost power during the snowstorm.  All of our equipment is connected to an uninterruptable power source (UPS), so the computers keep running–for a while–when power goes off.  I took my normal action under these conditions and shut down all equipment in an orderly way.

Then we hunkered down by the gas insert we installed this year and kept warm and cozy, reading books lit by the skylights we put in this year too.  Power was restored within two hours.

I turned everything back on but could not access the internet.  I didn’t think much of this as our cable modem service goes out sometimes.  If the power outage was caused by an accident, the cable connection might have been broken too.

An hour or so later everything was working again.

Another hour passed by and the internet connection was down again.  I called one of my neighbors and their internet was working fine.  That meant the problem was most likely confined to our house.  But maybe it would come back by itself.

Then it was time to go to a holiday season potluck at a friends house.  The time was delightful and we got to talk to lots of friends, including some new ones.

Afterward we rushed off to the library to pick up some DVDs.   Rushing with roads of snow and ice isn’t a terribly good idea!  As I approached one intersection, the icy slope was much more slippery than I expected and we went sailing into the intersection.  Fortunately, there was no other traffic so all was well.  We got to the library one minute before they closed.

Back home, I started testing to figure out what was wrong.  I disconnected modems and routers to see if they were working correctly.  After some considerably testing and recabling, I concluded that a router had failed.

Fortunately, I had another router that I could use in its place.  After installing it, and configuring it, internet connectivity was back.  Later, I noticed with discouragement that while we could connect to the internet our computers could no longer talk to each other.  It was getting late and I was tired, so I went to bed.

I woke up in the morning with a headache and feeling drugged.  I don’t know why that was, unless it was a hangover from the tension of solving the problems the previous day and having them unfinished at the end.

I was in the kitchen looking to see if we had new snow when a friend called with a computer question.  Fortunately, the question was simple and I was able to answer it but I was beginning to feel like even the simplest problems were a challenge!

I then started to work on the network problem.  I spent hours trying various things, scratching my head, and not getting anywhere.  I posted a message on a networking forum describing what I had done and asked for help.

Then I took a long, long break for lunch, shopping, and to read a book.  I know that when I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall–and not getting anywhere–that the best action is to get completely away from the problem and clear my mind.

After several hours, I got back to it.  And spent another couple of hours beating my head against other brick walls!  Nothing I did fixed the problem or shed any light on it.

Time for another break.  Teresa and I watched one of the DVDs we had gotten at the library.

One of my tools for solving problems like this is to ask other experts, using forums on the internet.  And the key to getting a relevant answer is to describe the problem in exacting detail.

As I was composing a message, I looked at and was able to describe the exact sequence of packets my computer was sending, receiving, and ones it was not sending.  With seeing precisely what the computer was doing, it became very obvious that the problem was inside the computer and not in the network.  Knowing that lead me immediately to thinking about the software firewall that protects the system from intruders.  It turned out that the computer thought that packets coming from the new router were from an intruder and were ignored.  A few minutes later I had reconfigured the firewall software and all was running well.

At last, it was over!  Everything worked again.

I’ll be writing later about some realizations I had after going through this.

This let me re-experience another childhood memory: snow over the top of the boots and into the socks!

I took lots of photos of our neighborhood so everyone can show off their snowy house to their friends.  With complete overcast, the lighting was not as magical as it was on the photos I took last week.  The complete gallery is here.

The roads were extremely slippery.  I was standing on the road and suddenly found myself sliding down hill!  I’ll be driving later today and may put on chains to be sure I can get back up the hill.

I walked through Cappy’s Trails.  It was a lovely walk surrounded by snow-covered trees.  The snow photos are in this gallery.

Last week I saw only tracks of a cross-country skier.  On this walk, I saw several pairs of skiers.  Finally, personal experience of this rare sight!  Staying in Port Townsend all winter (which is barely begun) is giving me the experience of a true winter again.

Expectations can be the same way.

I’ve spent the day struggling with being attached to expectations, and it has been like being in the middle of a storm.   I’ve felt battered and shaken from one side to the other by unexpected changes.

It started last night when the weather report predicted four to six inches of snow.  I looked forward to a nice walk in deeper snow.  I woke this morning to find almost no new snow.

Then the dentist called and offered me an appointment today (for a crown preparation) instead of tomorrow.  That sounded great, so we hurried to get ready.  By the time we were ready to leave a half hour later, it was snowing steadily.  A round trip of more than 80 miles in uncertain weather and road conditions seemed imprudent, so I rescheduled that appointment.

The snow Sunday was cold, fine snow that blew off the trees in mists of snowflakes.  Today’s snow was heavy and wet, falling off trees with a thump like a wet rag.  I did get out for a walk in the afternoon.  Instead of the bracing cold, dry weather of Sunday, wet snow was falling and almost immediately melting and soaking my coat.  Instead of sun breaks lighting up the snowy landscape, the clouds were dark and heavy.

I needed windshield wipers for my glasses with this snow!  My winter coat will need a day to dry out.  With greater caution needed for more slippery conditions, the walk wasn’t as easy as a few days ago.

I spent the day struggling with attachments to expectations.  It was hard slogging.  Meditating several times helped.  It was not until late evening that I began to feel lighter.

When I’m not feeling attached, I can go through the day like this with a “Wow! Look at what is happening now!” attitude.  It’s like looking at a hurricane from space–you can see the destructive forces as a thing of beauty.  I’ve reached the point where I can take mostly that view of my attachments to expectations today.

Which doesn’t mean the attachments and suffering won’t happen all over again tomorrow!

Several teachers have given talks on expectations.  Berget Jelane has a talk on expectations at the Insight Meditation Center that I found helpful.  Click  here to listen to that talk.

Snowy Buddha

May all beings be
free from animosity,
free from oppression,
free from trouble,
and may they look after
themselves with ease!

Snowy day in Port Townsend

True, there’s not a lot of snow.  The accumulation was  between one and two inches, drifting to four to six inches on our deck.  It’s been more than forty years since I’ve lived where I could expect significant snowfall, so any snow gives me a feeling of freshness and peace.

I got to take a walk in the snow—a childhood experience in Illinois that I’ve missed for a long time.  I see a totally different world when walking in the fresh snow.  There are tracks everywhere, each telling a different story.

When I first left the house, the only tracks in the road were footprints.  As I walked further, I saw more.

Here I see where a couple has walked to the mailbox to pick up their newspaper.  There I see where someone has walked their dog, with side trips to the edge of the road for doggy business.  Another person had taken their trash out for collection the next day.  Three kids build a snowman in their yard.

Some tracks were more difficult to interpret.  One set to the bluff and back looked like a tricycle.  I saw the same tracks later and now suspect it was a tricycle baby carriage.

I got a good look at my own footprints.  That was interesting because this was also my first walk with the new orthotics that I received yesterday.  Teresa tells me it has improved the way I walk.  They sure feel bumpy when I put my shoes on.  I get used to them quickly and find them comfortable enough to walk in.  It will take a while to see whether they make a difference to ankle and back pain problems.

The last set of tracks was a real puzzlement.  At first I could not figure out what made two narrow, parallel tracks.  As I walked up the hill I finally realized they were cross-country ski tracks.  Seeing where the wearer had sidestepped up the top of the hill confirmed that.  I have never seen cross-country skies in use in this area—we just don’t get that much snow.

For more photos I took on my walk, click here.

As I wrote on Tuesday, I applied mindfulness very successfully for reducing pain to simple sensation while having laser pulses to my retina.  This morning, I did something that resulted in low back pain.  Did I explore treating that just as sensation?  No, I forgot completely about that possibility and worried about what might be happening.  I went directly to using ice and resting to resolve the pain.  After I woke up from a nap, I realized what I had forgotten to do.

For better or worse, by that time, the pain was gone.

Well, maybe next time—and there will be a next time—I’ll remember to practice being mindful! “Practice” is certainly the correct word to use. It takes practice, practice, and more practice at being mindful.

Heather Martin, Vipassana teacher from Salt Spring Vipassana Community, will lead a two-day retreat in Port Townsend, WA in January.  Several sangha members have attended retreats led by Heather and are very enthusiastic.  I’ve found her Dharma talks to be excellent.  Teresa and I are looking forward to the retreat.

Reservations are requested so that we know how many people to plan for.  The following is the announcement message from Selden of the Port Townsend sangha.

“Her practical and wholehearted approach embodies ease and joy, while grounded in realism”

——from Heather Martin web page

Vipassana teacher Heather Martin will be in Port Townsend to lead a two-day non-residential retreat on the weekend of January 24 and 25 of 2009.   Heather is the resident teacher of the Vipassana group on Salt Spring Island off the coast of Vancouver. She is also the guiding teacher for the Victoria Vipassana Community and the sanghas in Bellingham and on Samish Island.  She teaches at centers up and down the West Coast and at times at IMS in Barre, Mass.

The retreat will consist of sitting and walking meditation with instruction and Dharma talks from the teacher.  We will be in noble silence during retreat times.

We plan to meet from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday. The retreat will be held at the Port Townsend Yacht Club in Port Townsend.  While the space should be ample for all who want to attend, we still need to know how many people to expect. So please reply to me via e-mail to register for this retreat or to ask any questions.  Be sure “Heather Retreat” is in the subject line of anything you send me about the retreat.    If you can only come for one day, please let us know.  Once I have you on the list of registrants I will give you more complete directions to the meditation hall and any other pertinent information.  For those driving here, please bring your own cushions and benches.  Chairs will be provided.

As is typical in our tradition, there is no charge for the teachings, but we encourage everyone to practice generosity by giving dana to the teacher so that she may continue to teach the Dharma.  We will also ask a small donation to cover the cost of the retreat.

The Port Townsend sangha will provide lunch on Saturday as well as tea during the day.  Some of the Sangha members can provide a place to stay at their homes that weekend for those coming from out of town.  Please let me know if you would like a place to stay and I will connect you with a local sangha member.

Also, if you plan to come via the Keystone/Port Townsend ferry please let me know.  I will keep you informed of the ferry situation – it changes regularly, a real life practice in impermanence and uncertainty.  It will probably have walk-on service only that weekend so we can arrange to meet the ferry and drive people to the meditation hall.  I will find out about parking on the Keystone side.  So that is why it is important I know who is coming from that direction.

Those of us in the Port Townsend Sangha who have been on retreat with Heather can highly recommend her approach to the Dharma and her presentation of it.  We look forward to sitting with Heather and encourage you to join us.  For more information and dharma talks go to http://ssivipassana.org/new/.

Yours in metta,

Selden

This retreat was held last year. See January 2010 posting for 2010 retreat.

As I wrote last week, I have proliferative diabetic retinopathy.  This is being treated by pan retinal photocoagulation (PRP), or lots of laser pulses to the retina. On my treatment last week, I was able to tolerate only 200 laser pulses.  I slept like I was drugged for the rest of the day and did not feel well the next day.

This week, I had 700 laser pulses.  My discomfort level after 700 was less than my discomfort level last week after the first 100!  After the treatment, I was full of energy, active through the remainder of the day, and felt fine the next day.

What has made the experience so difference this time?

There are three major changes between last week and this: physiology, medication, and preparation and mindfulness.

Physiologically, sensitivity of the retina is not uniform.  Some areas are nearer to nerves and some farther away.  It’s possible that the first treatment hit the most sensitive areas and the second treatment hit less sensitive areas.  While that’s possible, the doctor gave me no reason to believe that was a factor.

Last week, I took a Vicodin after the treatment to alleviate pain.  I don’t know that it did much.  This week, I tried one before going in for treatment.   Comparing the most intense pains from both weeks, I would say that the Vicodin may have dulled the pain slightly but that it was not a significant factor.  This agreed with the doctor’s observation that she had  not found Vicodin to be helpful.

I see preparation and mindfulness as the key changes.  Last week, I drove an hour to the appointment, so my mind was very busy before the procedure.  I was also complacent about the pain, having been through the experience twice before—forgetting that the first time was four years ago and I was sedated and numbed the second time. Last week, I paid no particular attention to my posture, breathing, or to the sensations.  Every laser pulse felt like pain—some of it very intense.

This time I did it very differently!  Teresa drove to the appointment while I listened first to a guided meditation on healing and then to an excellent talk by Gil Fronsdal on Pain.  When I sat in front of the machine, I arranged some back support and made my posture as erect as possible.

During the procedure itself, I had to stay very still and keep my eyes focused straight ahead.  I paid regular attention to my breath to be sure I was breathing regularly and deeply.  I watched my posture to be sure I didn’t curve my back and shoulders to slouch—postures that would reinforce feelings of pain and fear.

Most importantly, I watched carefully the sensations accompany each laser pulse.  I watched with a sense of curiosity, asking myself “what, exactly, is this sensation, and this one, and this one, and this one….” If you’ve ever had an eye exam with a slit viewer, you know how bright and uncomfortable a light can be.  Every laser pulse was a flash of ultra-bright light.  Most of the pulses were accompanied by a sensation I can best describe as the back of the eyeball being pricked with a needle; the experience was sometimes more intense than others.  Some of those pinpricks were accompanied by a strong shooting pain, like a lightning strike from the eye to the left forehead.  (I speculate that the shooting pain was the result of a pulse hitting on or very near a nerve.)

I had nowhere near the pain as I did a week ago.  We were able to do 700 laser pulses before the discomfort level made it seem advisable to stop.

Now that we have a cumulative total of 900 laser pulses, it’s time to wait and see how my eye responds.  My next appointment is in early January.  After an exam, we’ll decide whether more laser pulses or whether another shot of Avastin might be the better treatment.

What is pain, anyway?

This experience has led me to a new understanding of pain.

In the Bahiya Sutta, the Buddha says “let sensation simply be sensation….”  In other words, don’t add anything to the sensation.  It seems to me that what when we say pain, we always include an element of aversion.

Dharma talks typically distinguish between pain and suffering.  To me, it seems that the important distinction is between sensation and pain, with suffering just more mind accumulation around pain.  I now see pain as sensation plus the emotional experience that the sensation is unpleasant.

If you “let sensation simply be sensation,” then anything added is just mental proliferation.  Add unpleasant, and the sensation becomes pain.  Add pleasant and the sensation becomes pleasure.

Now that’s a thought with unexpected ramifications!  Is pleasure a mental proliferation just as pain is?